A different perspective...

I just finished watching the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and I find it fitting as I reflect upon this summer and remembering the love theat God has shown so graiocusly to me. Its interesting how in so few months so many things change. And even in seeing God's gentle hand guide me, I can have relapses of forgetting the one that has done the work in me. I came from a sense of brokeness...lost and afraid, unsure and insecure...wondering if I royally messed up and staring at the reality of my life in my face. The difficulties of seeing it was overwhelming. Those days, I prayed ofr change....my prayers were formed under the context of desiring that the situation around me change. I didn't want to change, but I pleaded with God to change the circumstances. His gentle no became the greatest blessing as I realized in those moments of heart wrenching yelling that the circumstances did change. I had lived my life with the knowledge of God, even experiencing Him every so often, but in these moments that the days went by....it was only with Him that I was able to get through it all.

As He filled me, I sensed even my prayers changing. All I could ask is not for the circumstances to change, but that I would see His purposes through the circumstances. The desire was to change and be a better man. Perhaps it was prayer that fell too short for the aim He desired for me. My own self-fulfillment and realization became a goal, but one that only centered around me. In my heart, I knew there must be more....

He was the potter and I was the clay, Jesus was shaping not only me to a better man, but me into Him. From those prayers 8 years ago, questioning whether He really exist to now....I had asked if He did, that He would give me a heart after His own. That He would shape this self-centered heart to reflect the selfless heart of Christ. That His name and not my own would be known and the people that would see me would see an amazing God who is able to do amazing things through those that offer their lives to Him.

As I look forward to see what God is gonna do, I can't help but feel my heart lurch a bit in expectation of the blessings God has for me.  I was reminded today to keep all doors open to allow God to move in the way He wants to move in my life.  Each moment that I took this uncertain hands to give over a portion of my future to Jesus, I had in my heart that certain sense of angst, but each time I look back, I cannot believe how good He has been to me.  May you help me to continually hand this life over to You, my maker, my Father, my Savior....