Creating Pockets of Empathy..

Luke 13:10-14 "On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, 'Woman, you are set free from your infirmity' Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straighted up and praised God. Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue ruler said to the people, 'There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath."

Do you guys ever get the feeling that the crap you're going through right now is specifically designed for a greater purpose? Or maybe you're on the flip side, where you're wondering what all of this crap is really for? I think living in a sin-fallen world can be just plain tough. Being Christian sometimes makes that tough into a freaking pole and impales you in the behind....(sorry for being so graphic)...but that kind of tough can only be explained in such a way.

Of course, I started off with this verse from Luke and what stands out is the fact that Jesus seem to take everybody's tough situation to heart. He doesn't blow them off, or give them example of how His situation is completely more difficult, but instead, He meets with them with a heart-felt empathy that seems to be lacking so much in my life right now.

As I look into this passage, I see a man that isn't worried about his own agenda, but has eyes to see people. Jesus isn't afraid of what others think, but is more concerned about the people that need His love and help. I also see a selflessness that exudes by merely the fact that I would be much more concerned trying to teach these Pharisees how pharisaical they're being (which ironically probably didn't become a full-fledged term until ....years past) ha ha ha...*I digress* I would do a quick cost-benefit analysis and come to the realization that the quicker these hearts of the Pharisees change, the more effect it'll have on the surrounding community. Instead, Jesus looks deep into the heart of a "no-body" to hear and heal her situation. That's truly the beauty of this passage....

I come to realize that I have to let go of "my agenda." The irony is that when ministry is your calling, you think that people would be the agenda, and in many ways, they become the agenda. Instead of seeing people, you see checkmarks, you see the necessity to do what needs to be done, and so the people slowly morph into tasks and other props that are self-contained in this narcisitic world I've created so perfectly...almost like my own etch and sketch picture..

And that random thought leads me to the title of the blog....creating pockets of empathy.... I think life is so much more than just checking off the box and finishing are "to do lists..." There is a joy in really being able to interact and listen to someone with a genuineness. You learn more and life becomes so much more meaningful. I have found the dullest moments in my life have been when I'm stuck hanging out with myself and thinking of things that are so selfish.... These moments are like liter on the street just causing me to fill up with unnecessary garbage. But life was meant to live with connection and depth with those that we encounter. In it, we might find those opportunities to be Christ and to reflect love onto those that need it the most. Perhaps, other times we will find others sub-conciously doing the same, and all in all.....what we will see is the thing that we really need. This great and awesome God....who has time to come and spend time with me, and heal some of the deepest hurts of my life.

His greatest empathy comes with His greatest pain bore on the cross.... in those moments of deep separation, He understood a pain that all of humanity could never comprehend and I believe that those moments of pain gave Him the unique ability to infinitely create pockets of empathy....and so it is, that through those He loves, He will do the same work in our lives and some of the deepest pains are only moments of creating beautiful pockets of empathy that will be filled with some of the most fulfilling experiences this life can offer.

Thank you Jesus...and thank you Jason Oh for inspiring this journal..

Even Then...

Even Then The lyrics from Nicole Nordeman's Song.... It's a fear that keeps me wide awake In the middle of the night When the expectations are too great And the bar gets raised too high So I do the best with what I've got And hope that no one knows That I strain to see how high I can Try to stand on these toes Until I'm measured, but You know better So, thank You, Jesus Even when You see us just as we are Fragile and frail and so far From who we want to be So, thank You, Jesus Even when the pieces are broken and small Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind Thank You, even then So I put aside the masquerade And admit that I am not okay Which may not be the thing to say But I'm not ashamed to need You more each day So, thank You, Jesus Even when You see us just as we are Fragile and frail and so far From who we want to be So, thank You, Jesus Even when the pieces are broken and small Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind Thank You, even then We raise the standard and try to reach You But we'll never make it and we don't need to ... So, thank You, Jesus Even when You see us just as we are Fragile and frail and so far From who we want to be So, thank You, Jesus Even when the pieces are broken and small Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind Thank You, even then Its ok Jason....its ok....you don't have to try so hard to reach me, I am reaching for you...stop trying so hard...you don't need to, be still...and accept the fact that I accept you just as you are...that I love you just as you are, that I forgive you for all that you have done, do and will do....you don't have to pretend anymore, its ok that you're not ok... you're safe now, you can lay all your burdens here, rest awhile....I am here, don't worry about everything else that is going on, people's lives will go on without you and it'll be ok...you don't have to be everything to everybody...you just have to be Jason, you need to be who you really are, stop trying to be someone that you're not for the sake of everybody else; what this w orld needs is you jason, that's why I created you, that's why I chose you, b/c what the world needs more than anything is you to stop trying to be everybody else and for you to be you. Stop tiring yourself out...stop trying so hard, find peace in me, find yourself here....it starts here, it starts now, at the foot of the cross, seeing your own sins....your own dreadful sins....and seeing a loving Savior....don't turn your eyes, don't look away, just look beyond your shame that lies on the ground you stare at, and look at the me jason, look at how much i'm willing to do for you, look at how much i believe in you, look, i love you jason, i love you, i always have, and i always will i know you lust, i know you've made physical mistakes, i know you've hurt people, i know you've been selfish, i know you've lied, i know all that, and i still love you, i know everything, and i still love you jason, stop denying it, stop throwing excuses at my face, don't you see how much it breaks my heart? don't you see how it makes me bleed not jus from my hands and feet, but my heart bleeds for you, don't you know i'm the champion of your cause, b/c i made you for me! don't you know that you don't have to worry, i will provide stop pitying yourself, stop feeling lonely, i am here, i complete you, i am everything jason, i want to be everything jason, can't you see that....i want to be everything for you b/c i know i'm the best for you, do you believe that? don't let your previous relationships with your parents, friends, or girlfriends define who i am or what i will do...b/c i'm different jason, i understand your fears, i understand how its so hard....don't worry, i've been through it and i'm here to hold your hand! trust me jason, give it away.....choose freedom jason, choose Christ....choose me!!!!! Stop waiting for the woman to choose you and start by choosing me! You won't regret it jason.... Jason I love you...i love you...you don't have to be strong, you don't have to be something, just be...be still...just be loved...how does it feel? have you ever taken the time to let me love you? what does it feel like? do you feel the security? do you feel me? i'm here jason, don't ever forget it, but i know you will, but i will remind you 2 Peter 3:8-9 "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 1 Peter 5:6-11 "Humble yourself, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing fim in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffereings. And the God of grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Rereading Abba's Child....

Chapter 3 - The Beloved....

"When I allow God to liberate me from unhealthy dependence on people, I listen more attentively, love more unselfishly, and am more compassionate and playful. I take myself less sersiously, become aware that the breath of the Father is on my face and that my countenance is bright with laughter in the midst of an adventure I thoroughly enjoy. Conscientiously "wasting" time with God enables me to speak and act from greater strength, to forgive rather than nurse the latest bruise to my wounded ego, to be capable of magnanimity during the petty moments of life. It empowers me to lose myself, at least temporarily, against a greater brakground than the tableau of my fears and insecurities, to merely be still and know that God is God."
-Brennan Manning-

"Finally, I accepted my brokenness....I had never come to terms with that. Let me explain. I knew I was broken. I knew I was a sinner. I knew I continually disappointed God, but I could never accept that part of me. It was a part of me that embarrassed me. I continually felt the need to apologize, to run from my weaknesses, to deny who I was and concentrate on what i should be. I was broken, yes, but I was continually trying never to be broken again ---or at least to get to the place where I was very seldom broken.....I came to see that it was in my brokenness, in my powerlessness, in my weakness tha Jesus was made setrong. It was in the acceptance of my lack of faith that God could give me faith. IT was in the embracing of my brokenness that I could identify with others' brokenness. It was my role to identify with others' pain, not relieve it. Ministry was sharing, not dominating; understanding, not theologizing; caring, not fixing.
-Henri Nouwen-

Its funny how some old truths become new truths once again. Some things in life you felt like you finally began to understand and yet they seem to slip right between your fingers over time. I look back upon the past year filled with great hurt and disappointment and great encouragement and victory. It seems coupled with the hard times are moments of "God" moments that flash as a reminding encouragement that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

There's this story of a man that goes to a monk out in the desert and feels that he's lost himself in his life. The monk quietly listens to the story and then brings out a jar of water. As he's bringing out the jar, the water is sloshing back and forth being disturbed. The monk sets it down in front of the man and the monk tells the man to look at the water. In it the man sees distortions of himself with no clarity as the water continues to crash against the sides. The water finally settles and the man sees his own reflection undistorted.

The monk continues to say that often times our busy lives creates the waves in the water. It provides a choppy reflection of who we are in the midst of trying to live for others. As we slowly allow our lives to settle, we finally get to see the truth of who we are, undistorted.

It is in this moment I've spent a good while staring at....only to find a great sense of disappointment overwhelm me. There's the imposter I dream of being...the one I carry out in society, the person that I want everybody to like and respect...the guy full of wisdom, confident, and passionate. But during this break as I've allowed to the water to settle, I am finally getting to see again a man that is left grasping at his own dellusions of what he desires to be. There would be a moment where this self-reflection would cause me to work harder at the fascade, must do more so I can be more....but as I understood grace, it is in these moments where I accept the man I am today and to surrender it all to Christ. For what He desires is what I want my heart to desire, and where He leads, I want to follow....