The savory desire of trust

An analogy of my heart.....
Doesn't that word savory just wet the palate of your mouth? It helps to best describe where I stand right now....I'm staring at a desert that I've eaten a thousand times that left me with sharp gut wrenching cramps that left me with goose bumps or that savory scent over yonder in the other room. What do I do? The desert is what I know, it sits right in front of me, basically seductively calling my name...come here Jason, oooh yea...I'm so tasty and sweet....

But something is different this time...a quick flash of me sitting on the porcelein god keeps me cautious to the luring attempt of the desert...but then again, it is just a quick flash so my eyes focus on the delicacies in front of me. However, as I begin to pick up my spoon, my mind is invaded again by that thought of that prayer as I'm keeled over the toilet in a cold sweat swearing to God that I will never again eat what I had eaten that night. Ahhh...the temporary pleasure so alluring, but the stark consequences bring more pain than my body can handle.

Again, I catch a wiff of something else. It is as if the scent is beckoning me to come forward. However, all I have is a scent, an uncertainty of what it is I'm smelling, but the smell is captivating. My stomach lurches forward, but my eyes look back at the desert.

My mind races thinking of what that scent could be? Will it be a delicious steak? Who's cooking it? Who's going to be over there?....ahhh the excitement...the anticipation....of perhaps a great party feast!...but then.....

Those freaking insecurities take over and the stupid questions start bombarding my head. Will there be anything left when I get there? Will I be accepted? Will I just be barging in?

My Reflections....
It is that wedding feast Jesus invites us into (Matthew 22) that is the great banquet that He has prepared for us in our lives. Sometimes we act like those that are invited...just going about our business whent the King has invited us to a wedding feast with Jesus. We find our business so much more important, and have forgotten that the king has invited us. Other times in our lives, we find ourselves to be the beggars outside getting invited to something that we don't deserve. Our brokeness and our desire to be hungry is all that matters and the banquet is a place where we can be received as we are.

I wonder what would go on in my head? If I were a beggar or a street person being invited to the King's palace for his son's wedding banquet, how would I react? Would I be paralyzed in my head wondering if I'm even worthy? Or would I sit there thinking too much into it...or maybe the anxiousness or worry of what might happen would grip me at my throat so I couldn't even breathe?

I'm not sure, but I do know that those that came were accepted. v.14 "For many are invited, but few are chosen...."

I am reminded by what Ravi Zacharias said in about 5 sermons I listened to today as I was driving. Jesus redefines our perspective on what living is. It contradicts our notions and juxtaposes our actions in light of the new perspective Christ provides.