The Fight...

2 Chronicles 7:14 "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

Military Ball
It was a refreshing experience....and a surreal one. It felt like I was in a movie...all the people decked out in their military dress. I felt proud to be in the Army and as people came up and spoke, there was a deep satisfaction of being part of the institution that fights for the freedom of our country and to be in a room filled with people that have made that lifetime commitment in doing so. The sacrifices made, lives lost, families suffering....There are times when I see things that occur at my command and the recognition given to those that have made such great contributions and I wish that it existed at church as well. There's a sense that we're all in it together an that we support one another when push comes to shove.

Talk with PD
I'm at a very precarious place. I'm not just hurt and confused, but I'm beginning to assess my own situation and seeing the path its heading towards. Most of the time, I just go on my way guided by what's going on without taking an assessment of where I'm at and making necessary adjustments to ensure that the path I walk is towards Christ. As you brothers know, I think constantly and consistently....my mind races faster and it helps me to see things, but I also believe that it is my achilies heel in the way I begin to conjure up false assumptions of things that I cannot claim to be true. Often, my anxiety arises as I project a certain situation to arise...and in it, I trust my own ability to predict instead of trusting God and letting him lead. This kind of behavior leads me to make pre-emptive strikes to protect my heart against any harm and the sharper I've gotten at this, the less I've learned to trust others as I try to read them. Its actually pretty messed up. Its a great gift for counseling as you can begin to open other people's eyes into seeing the numerous benefits and consequences of making certain choices, but a hinderance as you become a self-fulfilling prophecy of your own life as your constitent predictions become the reality, because there is no room for God to operate and you effectively install yourself as God and destine your life to either the fears that rule you or the insecurities that keep you from really seeing anything but yourself....

But I digress...2 huge warnings...
1. My ability to separate my heart from myself. I guess its the idea of false-self vs. the beloved, but the fact is they both make up who I am. It is in the learning to live as the beloved does the false-self begin to fade, but at the same time, the false-self must be acknowledged or living in ignorance will provide him the ability to ambush you.
2. OBJECTIFYING...I don't see people as people...I only see them in light of me....I dunno...this one I need to dig deeper in.....