I am fighting a heart that wants to get cold and hard...that wants to stop caring and wants to stopy trying. I have such a hard time trusting anyone...and really allowing myself to live in freedom trusting God through everything. I feel my emotions get the best of me and wonder if I'll always be this way.

I have to come to some concrete conclusions that I cannot control so many things. I am helpless in what I can do to change the situations I'm in...well not completely helpless, but when I feel this overwhelming feeling of not being able to trust, I just want to give up. I lose a sense of hope and purpose and I want to crawl into my quiet hole and not interact with anybody. I don't want to really care and I guess my heart feels that it is tired of caring so much.

I can't really convey myself....

David Crowder - All I Can Say
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up To swallow me
I think I'll stop Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n? And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to? I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that That was You washing my feet