Memories are a funny thing aren't they? Its the recollection of the past that conjure up emotions of the heart. Often, the memories that come are triggered by a catalyst that starts the jpeg in your head. Sometimes the conditions have to be ideal, other times its the mind that continues to races...finding every little thing to make something out of nothing...
I remember at Basic Training I would have all the time in the world to just sit there and think. I spent a lot of it staring at the hair of Private Johnson (female type). Here, I would begin to play out the thoughts of my life. What I'm doing here, who am I, and all these other deep questions that come into your head as you are forced to confront a sense of solitude. Each of them drawing into a database of memories, of feelings and emotions....exacting a certain perception that eventually capitulates into a notion of who I see myself to be. It was interesting the thoughts that would cross my head.
It is in one of these moments that I was drawn back to yesterday. I remember the excitement I had thinking about joining the military and so I was very dedicated in working out. After my workouts, I would sit in the steamroom and just let the menthol haze fill up my longs and bring a minty refreshment to my body! Oh, each pore opening up to soak in the steam with a combination of hot and menthol scorching my body....the refreshment and as I sat there at lifetime, I remembered back on the day I was sitting in the line at the DFAC staring into the blonde hair of Private Johnson wishing I was back in the steamroom. The things I would say to myself....oh my...how fortunate I was...
Isn't it funny how life is like that? Again, after working out I took myself to the mall b/c I had to use up my BR gift certificate and as I was walking through the mall I thought to myself, "Some of my fondest memories with my mom were here....dang...she went to the mall a lot!" And, so I stopped, took a deep breathe, and allowed the scent to fill my lungs...as it filled my lungs I could sense my brain release reflecting images, feelings, and deep seeded emotions that allowed me to live in that moment for a second.
When I take a reflection on memories, I also realize that memories are so one-sided...often not a reflection of reality but more an entrance into a moment. I think about basic with fondness...almost a desire to go back, but when I was there, I enjoyed it, but there were more moments of wanting to be home than to live in that moment. The culmination of times allowed the experience to be foundation, informative, and life-changing. However, it was not a place I would want my life to exist....
Perhaps in these moments...we are building those memories that will come later to ease a deeper pain in our lives, a moment of clarity that remembers who we are in the midst of our own situation....who knows.....just random thoughts.
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